in this state of catastrophe,
thinking if i turned around id see,
all those special little things
that we used to joke about
i grieve you

fighting sleep for endurancy
a battle ive lost the point for, you see
if you were around
id point out those dirty things
that we still talk about
i need you

everytime that phone rings
i turn around and think
what happened to those special little thigns
that tend to make my heart sink
lets bleed this

jumping on the chance to greet you
remembering the times id treat you
hounding you with every kiss

dying yourself to me,
take away this loneliness,
cuz youre a part of me.
so special holding on to me..

fighting myself from sleep,
a battle ive seem to lost my keep,
cuz youre this part of me.
its all ive left to help me sleep..

eh.. dont know where this one came from but i also dont know if i like it or not.. scroll down and read the others and tell me what you think. comment on the ones you have a comment or suggestion for. any of the ones on this page are new.

fight, fight, my queen, lets fight,
all of it, lets give it away,
just for this fight, this fight tonight.
tonight, tonight, lets give it away,
if i had it, ill lose it, i want it away.
give away my memories, no more depressing days,
conjure up your own world, hide from these ways.
hide, hide, force out what's real,
hide hide, inside i seen you've died.
force my eyes open, for i see all obliged,
force, force in all that is new,
a new experience, a new you, its hell im going through.
inside, outside, lets fight, now hide,
nothing to turn to tonight.. we've died.
ive faight in no creation but my own,
for weve passed away,
dead.. dry.. white as bone.

if only the words did not hit like gale force winds and rains,
and the emotions didnt hit like drug scrambled brains.
although the emotions stood still,
this hail poured on down,
down to the windowsill where that young boy fell down,
during the adult arguement where harsh words were said,
the boy hids under his sheets, while the arguement twirls inside his head.
Separate parents living two separate lives,
hitting like the news of sailors not coming home to their wives.
"Sorry ma'am.. But his boat would not float..
Your family couldn't swim, and they drown in the moat.."
im just a boat that has given up its will,
letting you all down like breeze to an awaiting windmill..

And so it unfolds. Another arguement and I'm still stuck at the table. A problem I was not at fault for, and yet I still fell to blame. For what? Guilt? Not at all. Fear of truth? Could'nt be farther from it.. The real truth was; I wanted to change. I had been forced to change time and time again, until finally, I decided to on my own. Blame fell on my name as easily as hate to a problem with an untold excuse. I accepted it and took another step towards climbing that ever extending ladder of expectations that was built before my eyes. As easily as saying these walls were built around me, the belief arose that these walls were not walls, but mountains that were always there. Millions upon billions of years of hidden activity had constructed these restrictions, these barriers, that now limited my access to a desired destination in life. These countless ages were summed up into the matter of the couple of years labeled as my "being of a teenager." Also as strong as a mountain, these barriers would not instantly disappear, yet needed to dissipate. For a natural phenomenom would not just dissapear unless it was longed for. Right? "A watched pot never boils," but whenever I turned my back, an avalanche brought closer these encroaching surroundings that taunted me so.  Not a sigh I could scream would be hear from past what I've known. Nor be felt through this barracade. Therefore I sit in silence, and block my mental cries. Too constructed in what you have to do, and I wouldn't expect a second glace, nor want one if I had to turn my back on my surroundings... They're all around me now. The restriction so thick I could hear it pulsing in my ears like the heart of a torn lover. Excellerated heartbeat's a lie, I know what I felt. The red of anger so deafening I can hold it in the palm of my hand, only until I close a fist around it. That red can be perceived in every sense imagineable, and if you don't believe me then stay where you are. Reject my invitation to my mountain oasis... For every oasis has its desert encroaching like that the red of anger, silently choking any stifle of a scream I've once retained. Although not every desert has its oasis. Long since have I looked at a blossoming flower and truly felt the beauty of such a creation. Furthermore, I see no flower, fell no beauty, and bless no creation that I cannot call my own. For a flower to grow, support is needed. Where support lacks inadequate, subtle, furtile land intervenes. With no beauty being perceived, I cower from the land that may one day form yet another mountain barrier after hundreds of centuries from those unseen forces that I have created on my own negative will. Where beauty may lay, a fortress barrier awaits.

For too long I've stared into this abyss now,
Until I saw what I feared and punched the mirror out.
Never has a reflection taunted me so,
Until I realized what I am, and glimpsed what's below.
My past failures, my future sins,
Nothing good enough, unless you know what I've been.
Especially when I look at my past,
Nothing can be a release when you live life this fast.
If only I could scream loud enough to be heard,
Loud enough to state my thoughts without your "re-word".
If I was to back into darkness and cower from you,
Would you realize what my intentions were to do?
I once lived life crouched on my knees,
Until I stood up, and lost my most valued things.
Your screams have pelted me like I've never felt before,
The intensity. The insistency. My life is your lore.
Kicked me to the side, forced me to abide,
Down those emotional stairs, havent felt like this in years.
Fulfillment.. A dream lost and forgotten..
Where hopes resided anger fulfills, twisted and rotten.
To a conclusion I've given up on you,
Cowering in this corner.. I've even forgotten what I wanted to do...